I never realised how damn upset I would be to be leaving the Evil Day Job. I know, I know – every writer wants the opportunity to write full time. Seriously – so – why am I so damn upset about leaving?
I have worked there for the past nine years, and there are a few very good reasons why I stayed, and one of those is the bonds of friendship that I have made there. I have worked with the most brilliant team of people. It really has felt like a family.
There would be days where I would bitch and shout at them, but we kept it completely in-house. In reality, if anyone messed with us, we would all stand back to back and defend the crap out of each other. I don’t know if I’m going to ever get that same sense of family belonging in another organisation. I’m not joking when I say that I absolutely love some of them with all my heart. No, I’m not ‘in love’ with them… but I trust them completely, and value their amazing friendships beyond belief. I have made some of my closest friends there… we worked hard, and we played hard. We could also separate out our work stuff from our social stuff, and that was great. Keep the bitching in the office, but when it came to being social with each other, we would leave all the crap at the office door and have a truly great time. They have been so supportive to me over the years, especially with my writing. One friend said she’s seen me go from being single, to married, and now a mother.
Yesterday when I was working my last day, the entire day my stomach was filled with dread. It was the rolling butterflies’ sort of dread. I couldn’t even eat all my lunch. I felt as though I was going through a massive break up with the 25 people staying, and that I would never see anyone else who was also leaving. In a way it was damn heart-breaking. I managed to get a lot of my emotional rubbish out of my system on Saturday – thank god. So that meant that yesterday, I only had a little cry once I got to my car.
But nine years is a fairly large chunk of my life that I have spent working for one organisation, and I’ve had such a connection to the place and the people there. The experience has been amazing. And if truth be known – why am I so upset? Well… I guess I’m going to be lonely without them being around me all the time. I guess I didn’t want to leave them in the state they are in – raw and hurting from an ugly restructure. One that should have celebrated success, but turned into something akin to a rip-shit-and-bust mission. It doesn’t stop me from caring about those people remaining in there. It won’t stop me loving them. Yes, I was ready to go – I just wish I could help them out a bit more with getting things settled after having half the staff leave. I know that I’m going to have to let go… but I still don’t think it’s truly hit me yet. It’s the end of an era, and technically, I’m now a full time writer, designer, and mother until someone else comes along and snaffles up my talents.